Chapter 3: Memory Start (Monique)

                I feel empty. It’s as if I don’t exist. As if I’ve never had existed…like my existence didn’t tie onto anything and just kind of disappeared. An empty existence…empty…oh so empty…

                “Oh” a distant voice called out, “Are you finally awake or are you still dreaming?”

                “Wh-wha? Who’s there?” I called out.

                Part of the room started to chip away the darkness, revealing a room with white walls. A shadow casted from where I was standing into the white room and from that shadow appeared a dark figure that molded into a clone of me. Her entire body looked like something from a black and white cartoon with pure blood-red eyes that colored her entire eyeball. My eyes widened at the sight of her. Her lips curved into a crooked smile, the kind that made your skin shiver upon sight. “Awe, don’t tell me you don’t remember?” her eyebrows curved into an arc, “It’s me, Annalyse. You have to remember. I practically ruined your life~”

                “Wh-wha?” +I backed away.

                “Come on~! Don’t tell me it’s something you really thought you could forget. I’m the darkness that seeps in your heart. What you allowed yourself to grow.” Her face got closer to mine, leaning closer to me, “You have to remember all the dead bodies that you were surrounded in. The beautiful blood red on your hands. The symphony of screams that echoed about the land. That was a work of masterpiece I created.”

                “Wh-what are you t-talking about?” I backed away from her, “I-I didn’t do anything like that!” I looked at my shaking hands, “I-I know I –”splatter stains of blood appeared all over my hands. The echoes of screams rang about my head as lifeless bodies phased in all around. Tears started streaming down my face as I looked about.

                “Annalyse…” a familiar mature voice rang about. The bodies disappeared as well as the screams and stains on my hand. A tall pale woman with golden blonde hair and crystal clear eyes stood behind Annalyse. “Don’t harass her.”

                “Awe, come on, Accillia! You said I could great her. It wouldn’t be fun if I just said ‘Hello’” Annalyse whined.

                “I told you to not harm her.” She then turned to me and asked, “Are you alright?”

                “A-Accillia?” I responded as if I knew her.

                “Yes.” She nodded, “Do you have your memories back?”

                I shook my head, “N-no. It’s just that…somewhere deep inside my heart, I feel like I know you.”

                She checked my forehead, then gave a huge sigh of disappointment, “I see what went wrong.”

                “Hmm?” Annalyse cocked her head to the side, “What’s the diagnose, doc?”

                “Someone’s tampered with her memories. There are broken links and missing pieces. It’ll take some time to recover them all, or at least the ones that will help her along her journey.”

                “Ho? I guess someone doesn’t want you to regain your true potential~”

                “Wh-what do you mean?” I asked, “What’s going on??”

                Accillia patted my head, “We’ll fill you in as much as we can, but the rest, the rest is up to the path you take afterwards.”

                I slightly nodded, “Whatever helps me remember what’s important.”

                “Then let’s begin.” A flood of images started to appear all around me. It felt like pieces of broken glass melding to one another. Fragments of dialogues that once floated about my mind started to make sense again.

                I took a few steps back, my hand holding my head, “I-I’m remembering…” I began sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss that, apparently, was my mind. I remembered the first time I had discovered my powers. And…to be frank, that was the worst day to ever discover them. I was just turning six, and for whatever reason, I was feeling a bit sad. I was on the edge of the docks, watching as the waves came on by. It was mid-afternoon, and I had a thought to myself about how big waves could get. That thought transmitted a signal from my brain to motion my hand as if I could move something back and forth. Eventually, I had felt like my hand was holding onto something really heavy as I continued this weird motion. I heard people gazing at amusement that at this time of day, the waves were growing bigger and bigger. When I stopped the motion, the length of the wave decreased and the curiosity of those who watched grew. The people who saw me there noted me as a “freak” and thus began the days of my torments. Through those torments, I began harboring hatred that manifested itself into Annalyse. Though, this is a story for a different day. I did not really want to see the horrors that I’ve done. Whatever I had done, it was a tragedy. A tragedy I never told Riku. I kept everything to myself and ended up cutting because it was the only way to escape the harsh torments. When we were allowed on the island, Riku, Sora, and Kairi were out playing on one side while Karin, Alexis, and I were playing on the other. We eventually got separated from them and ended up on a world called Titian. Memories from there were a bit fuzzy and all I could recall was feeling alone. I remember hatching furry black egg and came out a fuzzy black wolf I named Shadow. “Sh-Shadow? H-how could I forget about him???” I looked around the abyss, looking for him. After a few seconds, I laughed at myself. How could I find a small black furry wolf when all I could see was darkness?

                A bark was heard from the distance. It increasingly grew louder and louder as the sounds approached closer to me. Scratching and pitter-patter noises that scattered about the floor suddenly stopped. I cocked my head to the side, wondering what noise was that. All of the sudden, soft pads with a bit of a sharp end was on my chest. I backed up a bit then held onto the thing that jumped on me. “MOMMA!” I heard it shout, “Momma! It’s really you!!” it’s head nuzzled on me.

                “S-Shadow?” my eyes widened a bit. I tried looking down. I fuzz-ball with pointy ears had looked up to me with its marble sized yellow eyes.

                “I got lost trying to find you but I finally did! Do you remember now?”

                I shook my head, “I-I just remember you. I-I’m sorry.” I started crying, “I-I almost forgot you. I almost forgot something that holds importance to me.” Shadow was the black little fuzz-ball that hatched from that egg a whole while back. I was told it was of importance that I keep in mind of his existence. I assume, from where I come from, this lil’ guy can’t survive if I die.

                “Don’t cry, momma.” He licked my lower chin, “When you wake up, you’ll recover what you’ve once lost.” Shadow’s essence slowly started to disappear.

                “WAI-WAIT!” I tried holding onto him, “Wha-what do you mean by that? Don’t leave me!” Shadow completely disappeared from my sight. I fell to my knees, sobbing, “P-please…c-come back…” Memories continued to flow throughout the dark abyss. I recalled finding Accillia in a winter wasteland and being told that I was a “vessel” for her.  That eventually, there will come a time when bad people will come after me. When someone will try to use me to get to a sacred place thought to be lost within the darkness. A place called Kingdom Hearts.

                I don’t understand any of this. Why me? Of all the people in the world they could have chosen, why did it have to be me? What was so special about me? Why am I destined to be this? What…am…I? I felt like I was falling down the abyss. Falling into an endless pit I really believed was my mind. I looked around and saw a flash of bright, shinning, light from down below. Either that’s the tunnel out of here or I just died and I’m now going to see what’s on the other side. If I died, that would be fine. I lost everything I have, why should I go any further? My eyes shut themselves closed. I felt like I was finally going to go.

The calm waves splashed onto my feet. Seagulls were laughing. The ocean breeze was just…right…wait…what? The heck? My eyes immediately shot open, my eyeballs darting everywhere trying to make sense of what was going on. I ran my fingers through the soft, golden brown sand and realized I was home. I got up and shook the sand off my hair and dashed straight towards the Seaside Shack, zooming up the stairs. As I was about to run across the bridge, I stopped myself and sank to my knees. “What am I doing?” I asked myself. “My friends know something I don’t. These memories I had seem to be false and the ones I’m supposed to have seem to be false to and…and…” tears started streaming down my face. “Who am I? What am I?” The surroundings started falling apart. Everything was breaking away. It’s as if this was all painted on glass walls and some snot-nosed-brat threw bricks at them. Like shattered dreams falling down from the skies.

My sobbing echoed about the abyss.

A distant voice called out.

“Huh?’ I sniffled a bit, “Wh-who’s there?”

“Why so glum?” I turned to see a blonde girl with evergreen eyes staring at me.

“Wh-who are you?” I asked.

“What? You can’t be serious can you? You don’t remember me?” She chuckled a bit, “Though, of course, the way I treated you, you shouldn’t remember me.”

“A-And why not?”

She pointed at my arm, “You started cutting again when I was in your life.”

“H-huh?” I looked at my arm and noticed scars. It wasn’t just across the street on the arm, it was words as well. Words etched into my body like I was giving myself free tattoos. “Bu-but this can’t be…I-I…”

“You would never do that right?” She sighed, “But you did, even after you promised Karin you wouldn’t anymore.”

“H-How did you know that…” I looked at her, “J-Just who are you?”

“My name is Terra. Terra Evergreen. When you were nine, you came to ― we met and I gave you such a hard time.” She looked around the abyss, “It’s funny though, you’d have a part of me right here. Even though I made you suffer, you still kept a part of me. Maybe it was on purpose though.

“Wh-What do you mean?”

“It’s obvious. I’m probably meant to keep you on the right track since we are still the same.” She smiled. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it all out soon.” Pigments of her skin started shedding off from her, disappearing into the darkness.

“Wait! I-I don’t understand! What’s going on? If you know who I am then tell me!”

She laughed, “Don’t worry. You’re Monique Hyori. The girl who’s going to help the save the worlds and who’s going to aid the Seven of Light into victory against the Thirteen of Darkness.” She smiled, “The girl who’s going to help create a paradise for everyone. The girl who’s destiny will intertwine with others. Don’t worry. You just need to wake up.”

“Wait…what?”

A flash of light caused me to awaken. Awaken for good. I hope.

I woke up and found myself scanning about the room as I started to slowly lift my head up. Vision was still blurry. Sounds didn’t click in. It was as if my entire sensory system wasn’t fully functioning. I tried peering out to see who was here; tried listening for voices, but nothing seemed to click. Images faded in and out. My perception was dropping along with my hearing. Noises were flaring up my ear. Its intensity grew louder and louder. As if a high pitched scream mixed entered through my earholes and increasingly grew louder as it passed by each hair cell and into my brain. As if the screams of tortured souls rang about. I bent my knees, drawing my kneecaps closer to me. I buried my face in my upper legs, trying to rock the pain away. I wanted to cry out for help, but my words choked itself, slithering right back down my throat. This…this is the absolute worst. I feel like I’m drowning in a pit of violent screams and I can’t find my voice to call out for help.

Just when I was at the edge of pain, ready to plunge into death, a soft, warm, familiar scent embraced me. I heard its calming tone calling out to me. As if the calmness of the tone shattered the roaring voices. The life line that I needed to bring me back to my senses. I tried tilting my head from my knees so I may catch a glimpse of who was comforting me. Vision bit by bit was sharpening. I saw a boy in a gray long sleeved shirt, strands of his silver hair fell on my shoulders. My hearing slowly caught onto the sound waves of words for small  bits of his voice echoed, “…alright…”

I wanted to call out a name, but nothing came to mind. He was slowly letting me go. His warmth slowly cooling off. I slid my legs under my bum and tried reaching out to him. I reached for his arm and pulled him back closer to me. “Don’t go.” I pleaded.

The boy’s hand grabbed mine and pulled me in closer, “I won’t.” He responded.

Sounds started filtering in. Images started to appear, painting the environment around me. The fuzzy images I once saw started to focus. I was finally able to see people in a hospital room …wait…whoa whoa whoa wait!! Hospital room? How did I end up in the infirmary?? I looked up at the person holding me and realized it was Lee, the boy who tried keeping me at the docks. I slowly backed off and gave a quick apology.

“Ah! So you can see?” A cheerful tone asked.   

I looked to see who it was. A man with a white toga, dark grey eyes, dark spikey brown hair and pale skin was observing me from across the room, bearing a smile across his face.

I gave a slight nod, a bit of blush splotted on each of my cheeks.

“What a great improvement!” He cheered, “You were out for a week. I was hoping something good came from that!”

“A-A week?” I astonishingly asked.

“Mhm. That’s right. You were as stiff as a stick! The only thing that moved was your belly.”

My eyeballs sunk down, “It…It felt like I’ve only been in there for hours though…”

“You’re awake!!!!” I heard Alexis and Karin shout from outside the rom. They were both in long black capes wearing black T’s. They both ran up to hug me. I have never been so confused in my entire life. I awake from what seemed like hours of sleep from these creepy weir dreams to find myself being constantly hugged in a hospital. Did I come back from the dead or something? What the hell did I miss in the past week?

“We were so worried about you! Karin cried.

“Are you alright?”  Alexis asked.

“Um…physically I’m fine...but…” I pushed them away, “I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on. Like, why are you guys dressed up like that? Why in the world is this kid,” I pointed at Lee, “here hugging me a-and” I shook my head, “I-I just don’t understand what’s going on.”

“Hmmm.” The toga-man walked up towards me, examining me closer, “It seems that you’re memories haven’t come back yet.”

“Obviously not if I’ve been questioning everything.” I rolled my eyes. “Please…before I have a headache from trying to piece this all by myself, can someone fill me in all the details?”

“Still the same old, as I see it.” The toga man smiled, “But before any of us can fill you in, please tell, us what do you remember?”

“Not a whole lot. I remember discovering my abilities…and ending up on a weird place after getting separated from Riku. Then I meet a person by the name of Accilia and that’s pretty much it. The details are hazy.” I sighed. I looked at the toga man, focusing on all the details that make him up. “You…” I said, “You look familiar…”

“Oh! Where are my manners?” he took a bow, “I’m Kingdra. Surely you’ll remember me now.”

I pondered his statement for a while. Trying to retrace in my mind where I’ve heard that name before, I found a memory leading to others. I remembered somoee greeting us when we first entered this world. When I found myself isolated from everyone, he trained me and taught me to protect those that mattered to me. I slightly nodded.

“Great! So it seems that by name, you can recall some memories. Perhaps some training and skill brush up are also linked to your memories.”

I nodded.

“We’ll start that the day after tomorrow seeing how there is festivities going on in the time being. Well then, ta, ta for now kiddos. I must be off to do some duties.” Kingdra left the room, leaving Karin, Alexis, and Lee behind. I scratched my head, trying to figure out what just happened. If what Kingdra said was true about recalling memories from just names, maybe faces would work too! It wouldn’t work with Karin and Alexis since I’ve already know both of them.

I stared at Lee’s facial features for a bit. Such sad blue-green eyes he has. It’s as if he’s trying to repress all the emotions he bears but it doesn’t work. His eyes meet mine and the sadness formed into confusion, “What?”

“Hm? Nothing.” I quickly looked the other way.

“What’s wrong, Monique?” Karin asked.

“It’s just…I’m trying to remember stuff…I don’t think it works with Lee though…because…I already knew his name the” I air quoted “‘first’ time we meet…but I don’t remember anything else. Nothing connects.”

Lee sighed, “Maybe you should rest a bit more then.”

“I’ve been sleeping for a week now; I don’t think I should take in more sleep. That’ll ruin my whole sleep cycle.”

Alexis chucked a bit.

“What’s so funny?” Lee sneered at Alexis.

“It’s just that, she remembers Kingdra more than she remembers you and you spend more time with her than he does.” She smiled, “Maybe you’re blocking off all of those bad memories you’ve had with her.”

“Eh?” I asked, “What are you talking about?”

“Shut it.” Lee said, “I-It’s nothing, Monique.”

“It’s not ‘nothing’ if you get so upset about it.” I sighed. Lee looked at me with a bit of shock then scowled at me. “Well, whatever.”

“She’s awake!? REALLY!? WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THIS!?” I heard a familiar voice yelp from the hall.

“Please keep it down.” Another responded. “She’s in that room.”

“CAAAAPPPTIAAAN!!” a pale-ish girl(?) with orange fox-like ears, black-berry hair and hazel eyes shouted. She jumped from the ground and hurled for me. Lee stepped aside just in time for her to hug me, “I-I was so worried. You were like gone for a year and then I hear you lost all of your memories and y-you were like asleep for a week and I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU CAPTAIN.” She cried.

“Eh?” the word “Captain” hit me like someone watching as a bunch of papers take flight in the wind then land straight across their faces. “C-Captain?” I questioned.

~*~*~

                I remembered meeting her somewhere…in a world I was so unfamiliar with. I remember extending my hand out to her, offering her a place of belonging. At that point she called me captain…

                “Ugh, Tina. How many times do I gotta tell ya? It’s Monique! Call me Captain on the battlefield. But outside, call me Monique!” I heard myself talking with an annoyed tone.

                “But…” the girl who came to hug me stuttered.

                “No butts! That’s an order.”

                “Yeah, if you don’t follow her orders, she’ll punish you till you do what she wants you to do.” Someone snickered.

                “Oh shush, Kin!”

~*~*~

                “Tina…? I asked, “I-is that you?”

                Tina gasped, “You remember me? Everything about me!?”

                “S-Sorta.”

                “Well ain’t that great, “Lee scoffed.

                “Eh? Did I do something wrong?” I asked Lee.

                “Oh he’s just jealous because when we went to rescue you, you called him Riku.” Tina snickered.

                I did? I thought to myself.

                “Shut your pie hole before I remind everyone of the time you almost confessed to Kin!” Lee angrily responded.

                “Oy! You promised you’d never speak of that!”

                “Oy! Yer in a patient’s room!” Alexis shouted, “So keep yer traps shut before you all get us kicked out!!”

                I chuckled louder than I should have.

                Everyone stared at me with a mixture of confusion and joy.

                “I-I’m sorry,” I laughed, “It’s just been a long time since I heard Alexis trying to contradict herself.”

                Alexis laughed a bit, then finally got what I just said, “Whatchu talking ‘bout?”

                “You always do that,” I laughed, “When you try to get people to stop breaking the rules, you do it yourself so you can catch everyone’s attention.”

                “Oh, you mean like that time when everyone was being loud in the library and she yelled ‘Shut up!!’ to everyone and she was the only one who got kicked out?” Karin giggled.

                “Yeah! Ahaha! It was so hilarious, you were so mad at us for getting you kicked out because everyone said you were the only loudmouth around.” I laughed.

                “I’m so glad you’re happy now” Alexis rolled her eyes. Her sarcasm still remains the same.

                “Ah!” Karin pulled Alexis to the side and whispered something in her ear.

                “Oh! You’re right. Listen, we gotta go and get stuff ready for tomorrow.” Alexis said to me.

                “What’s tomorrow?” I asked.

                Tina gasped, “Oh…that’s right…you don’t remember. Tomorrow is the Falling Star’s Festival! You must come. You’ll get a whole lot of history from it!” Tina started walking towards the door, “You’ll get all of them back, Captain! I know of it!”

                I sighed, “Okay.” I just hope she’s sure.

                “So, we’ll leave you in the care of Lee!” they all shouted.

                “What? Why me?” Lee asked.

                “Because, you’re the only one we can count on. ‘Sides, Kingdra said you had already done all that you needed to” Alexis smiled at him.

                “Please, big brother…for me?” Karin pleaded.

                Lee sighed, “Alright, alright. I got her.”

                “GREAT! Bye, bye you two. Have fun!” the trio left the room, leaving me with Lee. Something tells me, he really doesn’t want to be in here with me.

                “Listen…” I looked at Lee who had an annoyed look on his face, “If you don’t want to stay, its fine. I can take care of myself. Besides, it’s not like I can run anywhere. I don’t even know where I am at.”

                “Sounded like you did when you asked what tomorrow was.” He scowled.

                 “I like to sound smart. I thought you would know that since you insist you know me oh so well.” Ah, here I go again. I do this every time I want to get to know someone who I might like. I’ll either act like a sarcastic asshole or an asshole or just a know-it-all punk who’s attempting at pissing everyone off.

                Lee didn’t respond.

                I got up from my hospital bed. “I’m sorry if that remark made you feel uncomfortable.” I slowly walked to the door, standing near him.

                “Where do you think you’re going?”

                “Uh, out? Fresh air does the mind and body some good.” I walked out, hoping he wouldn’t follow.

                I felt his presence near, slowly stalking me out the building. Guess I didn’t hope hard enough. “You don’t have to follow me” I repeated myself.

                “I promised Karin that I’d look after you.” He responded.

                I realized what Karin called him before she left, “So…” I stopped in my tracks, looking up at the twilight covered sky with oddly shaped clouds floating on by, “Am I imagining things, or did Karin call you her older brother?”

                “You’re not. By blood, we are brother and sister.”

                “Ah, I see. How nice.” I smiled. “And I can safely assume Alexis has a sister out there? One by the name of Terra Evergreen?”

                Lee’s eyes widened a bit, “How…how do you know that name?”

                “When I was asleep, she appeared in my dreams. She woke me up.”

                “Terra…Terra isn’t Alexis’ sister…rather her cousin who so happened to be born on the same day as Alexis, just a few moments later. Her mother is Alexis’ mother’s twin sister.” He walked closer to me, “Do you remember anything about her?”

                “Nothing in particular. She said she bullied me and was surprised to find herself in my mind. Though, I would be surprised too. Kids who bully me don’t necessarily become memorialized in my thoughts nor in my mind.”

                “I-I see.” I felt a slight sigh of disappointment in his tone.

                “You know.” I turned to look at him, giving him my best smile, “If it makes you feel sad being near me, then don’t be near me.”

                “Wh-what do you mean?”

                “You emit this negative, depressed, persona and it’s no fun to be around that. It actually kind of bums down my mood more than usual.” I sighed, “I’m trying to forget the fact that I’ve lost someone…that…I may never be able to see…your mood towards me isn’t helping that cause…”

                He face palmed, “Shit. I-I wasn’t sup―I’m sorry…I really am.”

                “For what?”

                “For everything.” He placed his hands on my shoulders, “Listen. Tomorrow’s the greatest festival that ever happened here. It’s a chance to see all the history in beautiful colors. A-and I know, they all want you to go…but it’s sorta like a pair thing. Like you know, take a date-event kinda thing.”

                “Uh-huh…”

                “And…I was wondering if you’d let me…uh…what’s the word…um…escort you?”

                I chuckled a bit, “‘Escort’ me?”

                He blushed a bit, “Hey! I’m trying here.”

                “Trying a little too hard.”

                “Well, is it a yes or a no?”

                I laughed a bit more, “Yeah, yeah. I’ll let you escort me.” I smiled. “Promise me you won’t be as depressing as you are now though.”

                “I won’t. Besides…I’ll help you regain what you’ve lost.”

                What I’ve lost…eh? What have I lost besides a sense of my mind and a sense in the world? Whatever world I am on, anyhow. What have I even gotten myself into? If what Lee is promising me…then maybe the truth that was hidden from me will be revealed. The truth…I remember when I was laying down on the beach on the island where Terra woke me up there was a door behind the waterfall with a peculiar emblem. I don’t know why I didn’t go towards that door…maybe it was because I was so convinced that Riku was where he normally was and that whole disappearing act was just a dream. Maybe…whatever Lee will help me regain…will allow me to go through that door...or perhaps…I’m already so far down that door I haven’t realized how far the white bunny went.